We’ve pretty much learned to accept that it’s the role of doctors to hand down nagging reminders about how 28 units of alcohol is a weekly limit rather than (as we long believed) a daily target. But when they start lecturing us about soft drinks too – well, surely a line has been crossed. The advertising industry has acted with admirable restraint under this latest assault, courtesy of Professor Terence Stephenson, who wants to ban all mention of fizzy drinks in polite society.

This deranged man cannot be allowed to succeed. And let’s face it: a bottle of Tizer – “The Great British Pop” – has never looked so desirable.

Of course we’d fully support any attempt to ban Irn Bru, a drink that has aligned itself with ultra nationalist factions in the British Balkans (aka North Britain). Nationalism is one thing and Socialism quite another – but, combined, they add up to something rather monstrous. Especially when packaged in virulent orange form.

So, yes, granted – on that front, we humbly suggest that it’s time to act. Now.


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